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Diaries of a Pervert My 4 favorite words in Porn

After years of watching and dissecting beautiful videos, here’s my story of falling in love with porn.

The first time I saw any porn, it was out of complete curiosity. I would see uncles and my older friends bent over their phones, while all these very somehow sounds came from the women in the videos they were watching.

My curiosity was tickled so I decided to watch for myself… and well, here we are.

I understand it is part of being Nigerian to want to be ‘righteous’ at every turn but let’s get something out of the way: we all watch porn. Whether it’s in KNOX on your Samsung Phone or the hidden folder on your laptop, almost everyone has one or probably more of those videos stored away somewhere.

Some of you have even taken it up a notch and enlisted iCloud and your Google Drive into this thing. So instead of four or five videos, you have hundreds. Hundreds of videos of all types, styles and colours with beautiful people touching, loving and doing all sorts of very inspiring things.

If you ask around, anyone’s explanation would be something along the lines of ‘body no be firewood’. But in fact, porn is useful for different reasons. How many times did you go to Pornhub for free online tutorials before getting down to do the actual thing?

I also heard it helps to keep the flavour going in sexual relationships. Although judging by the state of things in my life right now, I wouldn’t know anything about that.

Let’s move on.

Over the years, I have come to understand the market and adequately refine my taste. Without much ado, these are 4 of my favourite words in porn.

I’m already ashamed.

I should start with love for the colour of my skin. Ebony is one of few words that means the same thing in normal usage and porn; you hear ebony, you think Black. And that’s what it is. Beautiful black skin. Beautiful black women.

Sexy lingerie
The black woman is a masterpiece (Pinterest)

Now you see, we may not readily accept it but there is something about black women that screams “Blessed”. Their skin shimmers under the light, especially when they’re doing certain things that space and rest of mind will not let me talk about.

And thanks to XVideos, I know something else; even though there aren’t a lot of black women in gymnastics, they’re incredibly flexible. I think I should stop here.

If I’m willing to confess my sins, I would say MILF was my first favourite word in porn. But, I’m not willing to confess so… yeah.

I think a lot of people like these mums mostly because of teenage fantasies; all those terrible things that were going on in your mind while Mrs Obadare was trying to teach you the difference between ‘their’ and ‘they’re’. Which is probably why most of you still don’t know it.

Still, as time as taught me, there’s some great stuff under that title, if you know your way around.

Kim Kardashian is the ultimate MILF (Tumblr)

Wait what?! Moving on.

In the earliest days of my adolescence, I saw my first POV video.

It is starting like this; luck smiled on me once and I got invited over by a ‘friend’ who wanted us to make the beast with two backs.

See, I was taught that when any opportunity comes, you grab it and get prepared later. So as a very sharp brother, I agreed. Then I got home and remembered I did not know what to do with a female body.

And so like the intelligent young man that I was, I went online to search for videos where I could see things from my own point of view; and lo and behold, hundreds upon thousands of free tutorials from all sort of angles in all types of places.

You don’t need my help to complete that story.

I have thought about the most considerate way to put this and this is it; the women in porn can be very nasty.

There are babes and then there’s Mia Khalifa (Pornhub)

One minute, you’re seeing a video with one beautiful young woman enjoying the bodily company of a talented man and everything just seems so beautiful and natural.

The next moment, she’s in the middle of half a football team, sharing and passing her around like they’re practising Pep Guardiola’s tactics.

It’s all very sad and disheartening. So, I found a way around this. In the dark recesses of the internet, the keyword ‘babe’ gets you only the most beautiful young women in very wonderful circumstances.

There’s no way I can describe this thing well enough. Don’t say I didn’t help you.

That’s pretty much it. I should tell you, though, that while porn can be healthily consumed, God forbid you get addicted. If you do, please delete this post from your reading history, unfollow me and forget my name. Thanks.

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