Here are 10 things you should absolutely get clear about sex.
You will be surprised at how many people still harbour some important misconceptions about sex. Since your 20s is all about experimenting, it is pertinent that you learn all you can. Your 30s onwards is a time to feel more confident, know who you are and go after what you want. So before that time comes, here are 10 things you should absolutely get clear about sex.
1. You need to take birth control at the same time every day
Hormones in your birth control pill need to be administered at the same time every day. Missing one pill in a cycle may mean that you’re no longer protected for the duration of the pill pack; you should use another form of protection, like condoms, during that time. If you find you’re missing pills frequently, it might be time to look into long-acting reversible contraception (LARC) options.
2. There’s a difference between emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy
Though it’s counterintuitive, most couples become physically intimate before they are comfortable being emotionally vulnerable and talking about their sexual preferences (or things they don’t know if they like but want to explore). The solution? Talk to your partner.
3. What you see in the movies isn’t real life
One thing that adults should know about sex is that the other person may be just as nervous as you are the first time. Between Hollywood movies and pornography, many men and women feel unwarranted pressure to be a rock star in the bedroom that will have their partners screaming for days. Do not succumb to this myth. Concentrate on enjoying each other and don’t over think things.
4. That it’s OK (actually, kind of necessary) to ask for what you want or/and need
How else is your partner going to know how to please you? Speak up, it will be way better.
5. The pull-out method doesn’t work
If your goal is to get pregnant, then withdrawal – a.k.a “pull out and pray” – can be a really effective way of adding to your duo in about nine months time. Sperm is released in pre-ejaculate, which means that without proper protection it’s possible to get pregnant, even if you’re careful when it comes to “the big moment.
6. Sex advice isn’t “one size fits all”
When it comes to sex, not everything is going to work for everyone. No matter what anyone says, no matter what you read, no matter what you see in a store, no position, toy, potion, book or anything else that will make everyone have an amazing orgasm every time.
7. Sex shouldn’t be about “keeping track”
Instead of a give or receive exchange in sex, the ultimate ecstasy is when it becomes so much the same that you can’t tell the difference. Receiving pleasure from the turn-on of our lover allows us to transcend feelings of separateness from focusing on technique to more authentic intimacy and unscripted sexual expression.
8. Lube is your best friend
Lube is an important part of a great sex life. Lube isn’t a substitute for foreplay, but it’s greatest accoutrement. As she is keen to point out. Possibilities for techniques and positions are greater, and research indicates that lube actually leads to higher levels of arousal, pleasure and satisfaction.
9. It’s OK to watch porn – alone or with a partner
As long as you don’t use mainstream porn as a model for average sex, indulging in some visual, audial and fantastical stimulus can be good for your sex life and your relationship.
10. It’s not all about the orgasm
Contrary to what you may think, having an orgasm isn’t the be-all and end-all of sex. Sure, having an orgasm in the throes of passion is really really really great, if it happens, but be mindful that intimacy is about sharing pleasure and the experience of it all. Don’t beat yourself up (or your partner) if you don’t come to orgasm, because that kind of pressure will actually make it harder to get there at all.